Thursday, August 4, 2011

Bringing Up Sex Toys with a Partner

Question: "What is the best way to introduce your partner to using sex toys in the bedroom?"
Although sex toys are becoming less and less taboo the more our society is sexualized, some people still aren't fully comfortable using them. Even having their partner use them or even talking about them is tough. Each person has their own views on the subject and that's fine. However, if you're in a relationship and enjoy the many benefits of adding sex toys to your love routine, there are a few things to think about while asking your partner to consider them.
As I said before, some people just aren't open to the thought and may have made that entirely clear to you in the past. Aside from subtly bringing it up from time to time, there really isn't anything that you can do about that. Although they might not want to use them though, you may really enjoy toys. So what do you do?
A common misconception about sex toys is that they act as replacement for a partner. In some cases this is true but in most it's not. If toys are being used as a replacement, then there are deeper problems to address than I am going to touch on here. For the rest of the time, toys can act as a catalyst to more intense sexual energy that you can direct towards the other person.
Think about it this way. If you use a toy on your own, you'll be able to really find out what you like and don't like, and how to get you "there". By bringing that toy into the mix the next time you and your partner are going at it, you now have this knowledge of how to really get your rocks off. Seeing you squirm with pleasure will more than likely bring you and your partner closer together knowing they helped you do get off with such intensity.
Now, what about the people that just really aren’t that into toys? You know the ones… they won't actually say they don't like them, but you can see through it and tell that they're insulted for you even talking about it. Let me first say, I'm no psychiatrist, so these are just my own thoughts on the matter, but this is how I would deal with it.
My idea would be to suggest actually taking them into an adult store. Not necessarily with the intent of buying anything, but just to have them see what's offered. Pick a Saturday afternoon when you're both relaxed and running errands. Casually drive by a store and bring up the subject of going in. "Hey, want to go in? That would be fun." The hardest part will be getting them into the store. If they say no, don’t push it. Try again some other time. A lot of people seem to think that all sex toys are raunchy, throbbing, vein-covered, gyrating, 'do-hickeys' with lights all over them. Show them that's not true, (and hide them from the fact that these do exist for the more adventurous ones!) Pick a store that is nicely set up and staffed by welcoming and approachable associates, (might I suggest Aren't We Naughty?). Once you're in, the hard part is over! Although not visibly, they are most likely at least now entertaining the idea of toys and in an open mind-set. Feel free to just look around on your own. Although you may have some knowledge on the subject, for some people it might help to hear about the selection from someone else. If you’re curious and really feel lost, speak to one of the associates, say you're new to the subject and you want a few suggestions. These people are here to help! You should never feel looked down upon or feel any type of negativity from anyone in the store. You can put money down that everyone in there is there for the same reason, so feel relaxed in knowing that.
A good place to start looking around would be the lingerie section. It’s an excellent gateway into a whole new world of fun. For some people, sexy clothing is enough and they leave the rest to each other which is completely fine. For others, it’s a mixture of clothing and toys, and for the rest, it’s just toys. Any of these choices are completely acceptable and normal. The next step is up to you. You’re in the store, the hard part is over. Have fun with your partner in this environment! There is honestly something for everyone; from lubes, a selection of condoms, to party favours, chocolate, books, figures, videos, and of course toys.
Embrace your kinky side and hopefully with this mindset and way of thinking, you can help your partner do the same!

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