Tuesday, November 15, 2016

"It's Not You, It's Your Penis" - A Little Story About Communication

This blog was prepared by Lips'n'Licks in her own personal capacity. The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own.

One of the biggest difficulties in sex isn't doing it but talking about it. For some reason, while engaging in intercourse, talking with our bodies is not an issue. But when we have to put those actions into words - pussy's got out tongues. One of my first times breaking out of my shell and communicating with my then partner about what makes me happy between the sheets was opening up about my thoughts on penetration. At that point I was having sex regularly with my partner and I was unconsciously learning what I liked from what I didn't like. And I was finding that penetration was getting to be very unpleasant.

It wasn't until then that I noticed he was all penetration all the time. He would cut the foreplay short or skip it completely by trying to insert his hot dog into a dry bun. Naturally, my body would respond by self lubricating. Sure the first initial stroke would feel good but the pleasure would wear off and for the next seven to ten minutes I'd be completely bored. I felt like a blow up doll! Obviously I couldn't tell him what I was thinking in those exact words - he was my partner and I cared about his feelings. It was a few sessions after where I found my opening.

"It's not you, it's your penis." He had rolled around and faced me after his nap to ask me what was wrong and that was the first thought that came out of my mouth. After seeing his reaction, I automatically regretted my choice of words but it had to be said! I quickly recovered and explained to him that I am aware of how much pleasure he receives from penetration but I don't think he's aware of the pleasure I am missing from it. I continued by explaining that penetration is naturally a reproductive device, yes it feels great for the male but for the female it can be lower than a five on the pleasure producing scale  - depending on the woman. I moved the conversation to what I liked about our sex life and we agreed on different things we can try to keep both of us happy between the sheets. Trust and believe, after that conversation I never had to ask for cunnilingus. Ever. Again.

Sure, my experience started a little shaky - which is normal - but ended in positivity and growth - also normal. What I was most surprised about was his willingness to listen and add to the conversation; we were comfortable and confident that we could speak and be heard. In sex – and any type of relationship – communication is key. Next time you have something to say remember we're human beings not mind readers. 

Happy Communications!!



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